Admit it that title just totally freaked you out! No of course I am not reviewing a vibrator that plugs into your iPod. What do you take me for? Don’t answer that. I just found a review of the imaginatively (sarcasm) named ‘Ohmibod’ over at Geeks.co.uk and I just had to comment. It amused me because I have the mentality of a teenager. Seeing as I quite like that site and don’t want to get the boot I would keep my lascivious comments over her (total freudian typo but I am leaving it in because it amused me, I actually meant ‘here’) and only freak out people who expect it. In other words you guys. You thought I could go no lower after the post about my recent illness. You, of course, were wrong. Don’t read after the break if you don’t think you can handle it.

First things first how does it work? Well you plug it into your iPod and it vibrates in time to your music. Not exactly teledildonics is it? That link is safe as it goes to Wikipedia but be disturbed to know I didn’t need to look it up and it is for your benefit not mine. Is it any good? The author Veronica says it is not as good as Rampant Rabbit, which I am led to believe is one the most highly rated vibrators. Lacking the necessary biological make-up I’ll have to take women at their word on that. Apparently the author found the Ohmibod a little weedy but that could be explained by her terrible taste in music. I mean Justin Timberlake and Snow Patrol? Eeegads!  Anyway she determines she would probably need drum and bass at high volume to get anything out of it. I’d suggest some Black, Thrash or Death Metal as those tend to be very loud with lots of bass. Not the kind of music to ‘get you in the mood’ but then neither is Snow Patrol. You might even win a Darwin Award by doing that or possibly just void the warranty. She does find time to do the very obvious plug and play joke. I’m probably just mad that I don’t get to make it.

If you are still reading you are totally waiting for me to get into a mindless rant about something then I will not disappoint. Unlike the Ohmibod. Well maybe a little as I am still pretty tired from yesterday.

So why is one of the first product reviews on the new Geeks.co.uk site about a vibrator? They are clearly trying to appeal to the female geek market which apparently means reviewing sex toys. Not just getting a female opinion on everyday geeky gadgets. But who needs that anyway right? I’m being post-modern and ironic. We are talking about a very definite double standard here. They would not consider posting a review of the male equivalent.  I dare them to seek one out and do a review. Actually I take that back in case someone reads this and takes me seriously. Do they even do a version of the fleshlight which vibrates like this? For pities sake if you value your job don’t follow that link at work. Alternatively don’t follow it at all. Perhaps in reality women are actually bigger perverts than men. I think that may well be so. After all most men make do with their hand and don’t gift each other sex toys. Porn maybe but not sex toys. That is why women try to paint men as perverts and actively encourage us to think the same. They say you hate in other people what you dislike the most about yourself. Which is why I dislike hypocrites so very intently. Vibrator/dildo jokes are de rigueur in today’s fiction to the point of verging on cliche. Though the reason for the humour is very different than when a guy fucks an apple pie.

Veronica ends her review with the line “Now ….. I guess as I’ve tried it out it I probably shouldn’t put it back in the unwanted gifts box”. Which to me is a most amusing double entendre. If you really need me to explain it then email me. Did she write that on purpose? It is possible as we have already concluded women are colossal perverts. Then again not everyone has a mind educated by Carry On films. Plus if she had kept quiet she could have wiped it with a damp cloth and given it away and nobody would have known. What?

Right I’m done. My Raspberry Pavlova has nearly defrosted so I am going to have a bath and then eat it.