I had an epiphany tonight after playing ‘Batman: Arkham Asylum’ for 6 hours straight and then reading a little Fark.com. By the way doing that is better than those previously legal highs. The government will probably make it illegal soon. Anyway I digress. I finally worked out who The Doctor is. The Doctor is the god of the Christian bible. I sense you don’t believe it? Well that is why you fail. Let me explain. Let us take look at The Doctor’s CV a little:

• He has committed genocide on several occasions. Wiping out entire races that were up to no good. Especially if they threatened is chosen people, humans.
• He completely experiences time and space.
• He is willing to condemn his enemies to eternal punishments for challenging him (Family of Blood).
• He defeated Satan (dropped him into a black hole).
• He sees himself as the final authority on everything. He judges everyone and even decides what should happen.
• He always gives everyone a second chance.
• He helps people achieve what they are capable of if they suck up to him.
• If you are his friend he will help you enormously. If not you are screwed.
• He has an eternal nemesis who lies and tempts people to do wicked things (The Master).
• He works in mysterious ways that are incomprehensible to us humans.

If that is not exactly the same CV as the bibles authors gave to Jehovah then I will eat my hat. It also would explain why that god seemed to have a personality change between the old and new testaments. He was the 9th Doctor during the old testament and regenerated into the 10th in time for the new testament. Simples. It is pretty clear then, that the bible is simply a plagiarised version of the life of The Doctor. Being a Time Traveller he could easily have imparted it to some goat farmer in the Middle East while fixing the TARDIS. The BBC should sue all the different denominations of Christianity (and possibly Judaism and Islam too) for copyright infringement. Now after reading that you are of course wondering which fictional universe you are reading this in and which real universe The Doctor comes from. I wouldn’t worry about it as you will probably never know. And if you do find out you are sure to be disappointed. I know I was.