It is not something I generally broadcast but in my 20s I was diagnosed with depression and had chats with head doctors and a period of time on anti-depressants. It wasn’t the best time of my life but I got better. I’ve been a might too cheerful for my own good for a while now. Having suffered like Van Gogh (though certainly not to the same extent) I can say what the BBC did was actually very important and incredibly sensitive. Anyone who has been or is depressed (diagnosed or otherwise) will have seen bits of themselves in that portrayal of Van Gogh. People with depression often don’t realise they need help or those that do often don’t believe they deserve it. Depression is an illness that sabotages a person ability to get help. Indeed had my mother had not told me I need to go see a doctor I wouldn’t have sort out treatment. Those not being treated might be prompted by that message to see a doctor.

Those who have been depressed will have found that ending will have affected them a great deal. Fuck, it made me cry. Unless you have been there and felt so utterly worthless and have been unable to see any future that is not pure misery you cannot begin to understand being shown you are not in such a definitive way would mean. Unless suicide has felt like an (or even the only) option you won’t understand. Airing that message might help those who have been depressed deal with their emotions. Indeed it might also have prevented some from having a relapse.

However not every one is Van Gogh. Not everyone gets to be great some of us are just normal. So while this episode would have resonated in a good way to people who have recovered from depression it would have an entirely the opposite effect on people who are depressed. Especially if they are undiagnosed or untreated. The message someone who is depressed could take from watching that episode is “You are actually worthless because you are not awesome like Van Gogh. There is no hope for you”. You don’t need to be a psychiatrist to understand that kind of thinking isn’t a good thing to reinforce in the minds of people who are depressed. Indeed for someone who is already far gone that could be the straw that break the camels back. That message by the BBC at the end could have saved lives.

So that simple little message that didn’t affect your lives at all, took you 10 seconds to hear and that you are now bitching about on the internet could have changed or saved someone’s life. Think about that. It seems to be the general public’s attitude to mental illness hasn’t moved on a great deal since Van Gogh’s time. Why not think for a moment instead of being so petulant and selfish.

Pulse was boring and tediously predictable. Slow, plodding and unimpressive. An episode of Causality is more riveting. I actually took to reading Fark.com half way through it was that dull. Thankfully I had my iPad to hand. There is nothing remotely surprising let alone shocking in Pulse at all. Nothing. Even the final reveal was telegraphed to high heaven. I’ve seen gorier cartoons too. Call me cynical but I don’t consider people being squirted with a turkey-baster full of fake blood to be that gory. Supposedly this was a tense and dark show. It was certainly dark (the lights kept going out) but it was about as tense as my pectoral muscles.

And the characters? I wanted to reach into the screen and slap the characters senseless. Now I like a cast of unlike-able characters that do dumb stuff, I watch ‘Stargate: Universe’ after all but this was beyond the pail. For Doctors they all seemed to behave like the idiotic teens you see in 80s slasher flicks. Naturally everyone is gorgeous and is sleeping with everyone else. Is my annoyance of this a sign I am getting old or something? If you spot inconsistency in a patients chart and witness unrecorded treatments do you give the culprit time to fake the paperwork and corresponding computer data before you try to do anything? Really? Can junior doctors not use photocopiers? Naturally the somewhat petite female lead decides to investigate the goings on all by herself. And, oh my god, how funny is a trainee doctor with a blood phobia? Hilarious! Oh, how I laughed. Believable characters my sweaty arse.

It completely lacked any subtly at all. A section from my thought processes last night: Into the morgue we go. That medical circular saw seems conveniently placed on that table, doesn’t it? Oh no! A zombie! And he is attacking handsome-male-doctor-number-1. Oh no! Look an extreme close up of that medical saw and a mallet to the back of my head in case I missed it. Gee I wonder what it is going to happen when the whiny was-much-better-in-going-postal-on-sky doctor stops screaming…

This whole episode would have been the bit before the opening titles of a Fringe episode. But of then it would have had better acting, a more eventful plot, tension and some nice intro credits after it. Fringe would probably also have special effects that went beyond splashing red paint around, someone poking the underside of some stretched skin coloured latex and the occasional use of a butchers leftovers.

The cast is an inexplicably pretty bunch, as if this was some kind of US TV show. Why the pointless female nudity? Now I’m not usually one to complain about pointless female nudity and the actress involved was worth seeing in the buff but come on! Why the sex scene at all? Because it is BBC3 and we have to be edgy? Christ I hate it when people force me to take the same side as feminists and the Daily Mail. Not only that I would rather have seen Claire Foy in the nude (or that black dress from Going Postal mmmmm)  anyway. I guess she is a proper actress and above flashing her norks for my amusement. A flaw I find prevalent in so many women. Well I guess that takes care of any accusations that I’m not a chauvinist.

This is one of those TV shows that has been deemed good before anyone has seen it and this promptly exclaimed to be so once the critics got hold of it. It ain’t. Not unlike everyone decided Avatar was awesome before they even saw it. They should have spent the money on more ‘Being Human’ instead.

Twas utter crap. You will notice I didn’t cover the plot much. Well it is basically somebody is using a hospital to do unapproved medical testing. That about sums it up. I refuse to even give it the customary out of 5 rating. This is the last time I watch anything based on the opinions of TV critics and the last episode of Pulse I will watch. The fuckers made me waste time I could have used playing Red Dead Redemption.

So 2000+ years ago a ship wrecks off the cost of the island. Lots of people make it to shore but a heavily pregnant woman is separated from the group. She is promptly rescued by a crazy woman who helps deliver her twins before caving her head in with a rock. The two kids grow up to be Jacob and the Smoke Monster. The crazy woman is the guardian of the source of life and is looking to have one of the twins replace her as the guardian. Anyway Jacob is a good boy and his brother a bad boy. When he discovers he can never leave Jacob’s brother joins the other people who wrecked on the island, creates a mechanism to use the source as a means to get off the island (a big wheel underground)  and ultimately kills crazy woman. Jacob becomes the guardian and accidentally kills his brother and feeds him to the source. Source retaliates by spitting out the smoke monster and his brother’s dead body. Jacob places crazy woman and his brother’s bodies in a cave.

For the next 2000 years Jacob and his brother play a very long and dull game of chess. Jacob brings people to the island to see if they are worthy of being his replacement and Smokey tries to convince them to kill Jacob. Smokey is able to appear as either the smoke monster or as people who are dead. The people on the island essentially become ‘The Others’. As long as their is a guardian Smokey cannot leave. And if he does leave well that won’t be good for life on Earth. One of the people who comes to the island is Richard who is a prisoner on the ship. Jacob gives him eternal life in exchange for working as his number two.

Over the years many others including the Dharma Initiative come to the island to research its unique properties. They accidentally set off the sources defence mechanism while digging for one of their stations. To keep the station active to study the source they have to release the energy every 180 minutes else a massive electromagnetic discharge will take place. Basically inputting the numbers into the computer is the same as hitting the degauss button on an old CRT monitor. They also add the fail safe (which Desmond will ultimately trigger) of destroying the station to prevent the need for the degauss. It should also be noted that the presence of the station so close to the source almost certainly is what causes unborn children and their mother’s to die. Seems self-evident to me that fudging around with the source of life might have negative effects like this but some people don’t get it.

During the 70s Ben comes to the island as a child. He eventually comes under the influence of Smokey (thanks to being shot by a time travelling Sayid) but thinks he is doing the work of Jacob. At the same time many of the survivors of Oceanic 815 get trapped in the 70s when they manage to stop the island from doing its Quantum Leap impressions. They eventually detonate a nuke that was left on the island in the 50s in an attempt to get back to the present. They succeed.

Skip forward a few years and Jacob goes out into the world (he can leave, just not smokey) to source some suitable candidates for his replacement. I’d imagine living on a secluded island with a half insane smoke monster who keeps trying to get other people to kill you can get old real fast never mind after a couple of 1000 years. Rather than doing the traditional job interview Jacob contrives to get them all on Oceanic 815 and get Desmond to be late inputting the numbers causing the plane to crash on the island. Jacob, having more plans the Ben Linus, also arranges for a backup team to be ready to hitch a lift with the Oceanic 6 when they return.

On September 22nd 2004 Oceanic Flight 815 is hit by a massive electromagnetic disturbance after making a detour. While Desmond being late to input the numbers is what directly causes the discharge that causes the crash this all part of Jacobs plan. 815 promptly crashes on the island with all the candidates for Jacobs job surviving the crash. The candidates are eventually whittled down to 6 individuals whose seat numbers on 815 happen to be 4, 8, 15, 16, 24 and 42. And yes the numbers keep showing up because Jacob keeps putting them into things having foreknowledge of them thanks to the islands time jumping shenanigans. He has a wacky sense of humour that guy.

For a while their is a period of time when the bigger picture takes a back seat to Ben Linus and Charles Widmore’s battle for control of the island. Mirroring somewhat the longer rivalry between Jacob and Smokey (with Ben taking the Jacob role despite being directly influenced by Smokey) it evens has its own rules. While costing many people their lives it does however does allow 6 people to get off the island and trap the rest in a time leaping island that is slowly killing them. Unfortunately most of those that do get off the island are the prime candidates to take over from Jacob. Eventually with the help of Locke and Ben, Jack is able to get them back to the island to continue the candidate process. Locke dies in the process but by bringing his body back to the island they give Smokey a new form to take.

Smokey uses his new form to con Ben into killing Jacob. However because 6 candidates for the job are still on the island Smokey needs to kill them too. Jacob returns as a ghost an continues to manipulate events, as does Smokey, to get someone to take his job. In the end Jack steps up to the plate and takes the job. Jack now continues the battle against Smokey and with Desmond and Kate’s help manages to kill him. However in he process both he and the island are mortally wounded. Jack who is now dying passes on the guardianship to Hurley and fixes the islands before dying. While this is going on some of the remaining survivors of Oceanic 815 escape the island with the remains of Jacobs backup team. Hurley gives Ben the job of his number two. The last things we see of this story is Jack’s one eye closing in exact opposite to how the whole story started with his one eye opening.

After all those who had been on the island (or at least the main characters who didn’t fall out with the production team) meet up one last time in the waiting room for heaven. They create an elaborate alternate reality that takes place in a world where they had not crashed on the island. Eventually they all come together and with Desmond’s help they meet up with those they loved. They all eventually realise they have snuffed it and are able to let go of their past lives and move on together.  The end.

There are a few dead ends I have not discussed because they turned out not to be part of the over arching plot. For example the experiments that the Dharma Initiative were doing are largely irrelevant and do little more than touch on the mythology of the show. The numbers being part of a doomsday equation make sense consider that those who the number represent don’t succeed would potentially mean the end of life. The Others and their interest in Walt can be simply put down to Walt’s psychic nature being a threat to Smokey and thus him wanting him gone. Echo’s sub-plot was aborted because the actor fell out of favour as was Libby’s. In the end they probably would have been little to do with the main plot so little was lost by them being cut short.

Was Lost and its ending any good? I thought so but many beg to differ. Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one and they’re all full of shit.

DCI Gene Hunt is the unwitting (or is he?) guardian of a coppers limbo. Where police officers who die with unfinished business go to resolve their issues. Gene helps them with this but being only a young copper when he died he selfishly keeps a few souls (namely Ray, Chris, Shaz and previously Annie) with him. This probably isn’t conscious decision on his behalf, just a desire to not be alone. As souls are delivered to him he attempts to help them on to heaven. Gene constructs the world around him from the memories of the people in his world and picks himself a car that he likes.

Sam Tyler was a metaphysical cock-up. He wasn’t properly dead when he arrived and so couldn’t let go of his past life. When he returned to the land of the living he told his shrink about what happened and gave Alex Drake knowledge of what lay beyond so when she ‘died’ she too recognised Gene’s fabricated world for what it was. This shouldn’t have happened as people forget their real lives after a short while of being there. What Sam realised in the real world was not only that he preferred Gene’s 70s reality but also that Ray, Chris and Annie’s souls were on the line and he had to go back to help them. Also that with what he knew he shouldn’t be alive, hence his suicidal leap off the roof. After he had made peace with that decision Gene helped him move on and let him take Annie with him. Annie it should be noticed probably did die in a botched sting operation in the 70s as witnessed by Sam Tyler. To do this and not alert his team he faked Sam’s death. It was probably at this point he added Shaz to his ‘team’.

Alex came to this police purgatory because her death left her daughter without a mother. Until she accepted that she couldn’t go back she couldn’t move on. Gene kept her from doing this because he loved her and wanted her to stay. There was also an element of him knowing she was dead and wanting to protect her from the knowledge she wouldn’t get back to see her daughter. He also loved Sam but eventually enough to let him go.

It is pretty clear that DCI Jim Keats is either the Devil or his agent while Gene is like an unofficial guardian angel. No doubt DCI Frank Morgan who took on the mantel of Sam’s doctor in Life on Mars was a similar manifestation of the Dark Side. Gene’s career was cut short in his first week he never got to protect people like he wanted to nor have much of a life. So he won’t leave and uses his little world to do both. How much he does this on a conscious level is open to discussion. He gets the recently departed to make the decision of which way they go. Up or down? He guides them to the right choice but doesn’t force it on them. Naturally doing the right thing is more difficult but the rewards infinitely greater. Following Keats is easier and thus a short cut to damnation.

In the end everyone gets to go to heaven (which unsurprisingly is a pub) except Gene and Keats. Gene remains as the guide and Keats promises to return as the tempter. Gene gets to pick a new motor and have a word in the ‘shell-like’ of someone who has just burst into his department demanding the return of his iPhone.

Was Dixon of Dock Green the first television version of this story? After all he was shot and died in the film ‘The Blue Lamp’ before being resurrected older and with a promotion for his later TV series. Nice little touch by the programme makers I think.

You see if the BBC do popularist programming like shitty reality TV then they get accused of dumbing down by Guardian reading wombats. However, if they do intelligent programmes then the unwashed masses don’t watch them and they BBC get accused of being elitist by Chimps carrying copies of The Sun. It’s not like the can balance the books either because if they do then both groups complain their needs are not being fully met. This applies to politics too. Do a piece critical of the BNP they are out of touch left-wing academics but if they put the BNP on TV they are evil fascists. Anything they do gets them accused of bias by ‘the other side’. I’m also kind of fed up hearing God-botherers, like that twat Simon Mayo, whining about the declining level of Christian focused content on the BBC despite it still being vastly more than any other religious group let alone for atheists or agnostics. But see them flip out if the BBC dares show a 6 part series totalling just a handful of hours starring Richard Dawkins and his philosophy.

An interesting flip on this is that 75% of the licence paying public identify as being Christian right? So according to the BBC’s own charter they should be focusing their programming on non-Christian religious programming as there should be a large commercially viable market for Christian TV. Sadly this doesn’t work out because the Christian mentality hasn’t moved on since the 19th century so Christian TV programming consists of shite like Songs of Praise which not even Christians want to watch. Of course the God-botherers never complain about the BBC wasting money filming Christian shows that all of 12 people watch. But I have digressed into picking on the mentally infirm, back on topic.

As I said at the start people are selfish jerks. They expect the BBC to tailor their entire output to their needs/desires because they pay they happen to pay their licence fee. Doesn’t matter that the people who don’t share their views and want different things from the BBC also pay the licence fee. Everything shown should either be about their interests or pander to their own idiot biases.

Then we have the commercial media and press led by those that are part of the Murdock business empire doing their damnedest to destroy the BBC because they don’t want to compete with it. To them the BBC is unfair because they can’t buy it or drive it under like a normal business. The best they can do is wage unending propaganda war against the BBC in an attempt to turn the public against them. Which is what they are doing. Have you seen a week go by lately without their being a news story in a paper or on the TV hypercritical of something the BBC has done? Things utterly mundane like the BBC buying a long serving entertainer a bottle of Champagne for his birthday or the internet division putting on iPhone on their expenses are blown up as grievous sins against all of humanity. Naturally this involves the commercial media playing on the concerns of those who think the BBC exists only to serve them.

Politicians are not beyond getting involved in the propaganda either. Not just for easy political mileage by pandering to the selfish jerks either. The BBC tends not to pull its punches with politicians, especially the governing party. Which is good otherwise it would be accused of being in the pockets of those who give it money wouldn’t it? Unfortunately this makes the BBC somewhat of a thorn in the side of the government. One that is not as easily bribed with promises of favourable laws if it supports them. Thus politicians of all types would happily see the end of the BBC. Naturally Political parties are not beyond taking donations from commercial media companies no doubt in exchange for changes in the law that would damage the BBC either.

One of two things is going to happen to the BBC eventually. It will be commercialised and end up churning out the same turgid crap the other commercial stations do so as to make ad money. If it is expect it to be driven out of business or purchased by a large company that will do a Cadbury on it. Either that or it will marginalised and become little more than what PBS is in America. Either way wave goodbye to commercial free TV and radio and the likes of Doctor Who (it will be two expensive to justify), Misfits, Being Human, Survivors and don’t ever expect to see anything like Life on Mars ever again. Least will see the back of Songs of Praise too.

I love who it was who knocked four times.

The build up to the regeneration was fantastic. I liked how even as he was effectively dying he searched out his companions and gave them each that a little bit of help one last time. I didn’t even mind that he went to see Rose either. I really felt for the Doctor as he struggled against his regeneration because he didn’t want to go. Who would? Regeneration is not quite dying but it isn’t far off really. Most of the Doctor’s incarnations have simple accepted it or not had time to think about. This incarnation didn’t want to go. Which is the 10th Doctor all over, lovable, friendly, helpful, courageous but ultimately selfish. Even his self-sacrifice for Wilf wasn’t without a tantrum. This Doctor learn’t to love what he did again after his previous incarnation had struggled to come to terms with what he did in the Time War. Probably ended up loving it a little too much, which is why everything went a little caca. Ah mixing my time travel show terminology will get me in trouble one day.

It looks like holding back his regeneration has dire consequences for the Tardis and he still isn’t ginger! I liked the sly dig that the PC meddling brigade as he checked he wasn’t a woman after discovering he had long hair. Watch the regeneration:

No doubt the various Doctor Who internet discussion forums are already sharpening their knives to stick into Matt Smith’s back. They have already do doubt labelled him the worst Doctor ever based on his few seconds in this special. And when they see him punch a guy in the advert for the new series they will have a damned fit. Still onwards into the Moffat era and here’s to new catchphrases!

Geronimo!

I thought it showed promise at first. The characters where well acted and motivations and behavior was initially sound and consistent. Not that you end up caring as by the end of the story they have flushed all that away. I felt like the producers were laughing at me after conning me into thinking it was going to be good. Eddie Izzard is actually really good as the opportunistic survivor of a plane crash (we won’t go into the utterly ridiculous method he uses to survive the crash) who rises to power by making good use of his time. He collects guns, supplies and followers while every other sighted person is lamenting what has happened or wandering around with a sad face. He should play bad guys more often. At least they didn’t pick a cast of youngsters to make the story appeal to a younger audience. Which is probably good as it would just meant more pissed off people.

They deviated from Wyndham’s original plot more and more as they went along, until it got to the point the 2nd part of the story just made no sense. The whole we shouldn’t play god morality tale got a bit obvious and repetitive, especially the throw away scenes at the Nunnery. Talking of repetitive there is a series of flashbacks involving a tribal mask. Every 15 minutes we see the flashback with a little more detail each time. Yes we get it the mask is going to turn out to be important quit it with the flashbacks about it. Naturally it does end up being important but not in anyway that you might understand. They drip the Triffid venom through the eye slits in the mask and this makes eyes weep black and tears which has the side effect of making the Triffids ignore humans. What!? Why is that exactly? The protagonist Bill wonders aloud at one point on why the Triffids aim for the eyes but that is all we get. Why does this work? Is it because it changes the shape of the eyes and Triffids no longer recognise them as human? Do Triffids actually really like pandas? Why!? No explanation is given and the main characters happily fuck off to the Isle of Wight to fill a glass lighthouse with coloured sand, or something.

What is it lately with film and TV sacrificing coherent plot for action sequences? Not to mention really hammering home their messages like we are to simple to pick up on subtle parallels or decode metaphors. Am I just getting old a crotchety or am I just way smarter than the average TV/film producer thinks their audience is? Also the book and the original BBC version takes place over months but the events of this story seems to take place over a weekend. Everything is rushed and with Bill at one point seeming to recover from a bullet wound overnight.

They kept the Triffid mostly hidden at first preparing for a big reveal which didn’t happen because instead they just slowly showed us slightly more and more of the plant. Which is good because they looked totally shit and a big reveal would have been unintentionally hilarious. The new Triffids look like a giant Aloe Vera plant with a big purple knob-end on the top and are not at all scary or awe-inspiring. I mean in the 80s the BBC came up with this design:

Sure it takes a few liberties on Wyndham’s descriptions but it does look like a giant, tropical, meat-eating plant. They created those without a massive budget or CGI. For some reason these new modern triffids not only get up and walk they have roots that act like tentacles and allow them access to anywhere and to grab anyone from several metres away. And instead of the creepy and nerve shredding knocking of root on tuber the new Triffids squeak and squawk a whole language. They sound like a mix of Sweep and Joe Pasquallie put through an electronic voice synthesiser like Lilly Allen uses to sing in tune. And now the Triffids eat people with their roots in minutes rather than killing them and then hagging around to eat them slowly as they rot. Just like the modern fast moving Zombies these new Triffids sacrifice ominous presence for new action-friendly abilities.

It starts off at such a pace it makes you think “Wow a lots going to happen in this special, this should be good” and then very little actually happens. They get straight into the running almost immediately so it seems initially like their is some urgency. The Doctor sits with the Ood for a couple of minutes (I’m guessing exposed brain patterns are the special effects guys’ trademark in Doctor Who) then off he goes running to get back to Earth. And then we have the resurrection of The Master who for some inexplicable reason gains superpowers and taste for human flesh (and turkey) when said resurrection gets botched. Then we spend the next half an hour following around Wilf and get to watch the Doctor be all whiny. Then after all the piffling about we get to end of the episode which includes some incredibly convenient super-tech, the addition of some pointless and stupid look aliens, everyone under-estimating The Master (again) and some kind of weird play on the fortress of solitude scene at the end of Superman 2. Finally we have the cliffhanger which has to be the most unintentionally hilarious piece of TV (The Matrix meets The Master) I have seen this year followed by a massive and pointless spoiler for the next special on New Year’s day.

It’s like Russell T. Davies has come over all George Lucas with this special and those around him have let him because this and the New Year special make up his final story. Nothing anybody does in this special makes a lick of sense and half the plot seems purely so special effects can be used. The other half of the plot seems to cater for poor bad jokes and pretty low brow humour. Are old people really all so bored they would spend their time looking for a Doctor because one of their ilk said it would be a good idea? Why has the TARDIS even got a chameleon circuit if the Doctor can make it invisible? Does nobody on TV actually partake in any fiction whatsoever so they can see these ‘sudden but inevitable betrayals’ coming? When does Steve Moffat take over?

And through all this crap Bernard Cribbins, David Tennant and John Simms (even if he was chewing the scenery) act their socks off to save this special from being another ‘Planet of the Dead’. Even Catherine Tate in Donna Noble’s few scenes oozes class. Which in a way makes it all much worse as they stick out like brand new Blu-ray players in a manure pile. Lets hope the 2nd part of this tale is much better and that this special looks better in hindsight because of it. However I predict that it will just be another typical ridiculously-over-the-top Davies end of season story.

Films

The buy out will probably initially be a boon for Marvel’s already successful film franchises. They will have access to Disney’s massive clout when it comes time to market the films and get them out there. For films currently being filmed, produced and those currently in pre-production will probably benefit and remain largely free from Disney interference. In the longer term I fear Disney will simply not be able to resist sticking their oar in. Marvel decided to start producing its own films because they wanted to get their properties out there take most of the money and make the films they wanted without the Hollywood executive interference that has managed to all but ruin the X-Men and Spider-man franchises. I’m sure at first Disney will,  as promised, keep their nose out but eventually a Disney executive will see something he doesn’t like or come up with a way to make Marvel films ‘even better’ and Marvel’s films will end up being dictated by people who are not Marvel. Don’t expect any of the post Avengers films to be any better than ‘The Last Stand’ or ‘Ghost Rider’.

The fanboys are positively drooling at the prospect of a Pixar/Marvel animated film. They have already had the possibility of an Antman Pixar film shot from under them but this hasn’t stopped them frothing at the mouth like Cujo. It isn’t going to happen at least not for a very long time. There is no market for a full 3D superhero film. Pretty much every suggested 3D superhero film that was posited after the success of ‘The Incredibles’ has been met with either crickets or hostility, including JLA and Avengers films. There is no real market there and nobody at Pixar is jumping up and down at the prospect of getting access to the Marvel catalogue. So sit down and use a tissue to wipe the spittle from around your mouth.

TV

Marvel hasn’t had a decent animated series since the success of Spider-man, Hulk and the X-Men in the 90s. These only being slightly better than the 80s cartoons that were very successful. All of the cartoons since have been plagued with piss-poor modernisation and pathetic attempts to be cool and hip. Even the animated DVD/TV films based on the Ultimate universe have been ropey. The 90s cartoons managed to be more true to their source material even while hampered with by higher ups who forbade death, injury, drugs and sex even being mentioned let alone featured.  Marvel has never had a successful live action TV show in the nature of say ‘Smallville’. Which is amusing as ‘Smallville’ is a Spidermanisation (I like that made up word) of the Superman mythos. This is where I could see Disney making most use of Marvel’s properties and where Marvel could benefit the most. They have a TV network and everything in place to make Marvel TV shows, animated or otherwise. And now that special effects are so much cheaper make a live action serial out of a comic should be a no brainer. I always the serialised nature of comics was a better fit for TV than Film anyway. Still I’m not sure if any of this will happen.

Comics

The comics are screwed. The comics don’t make massive profits as it is and frankly the market is being propped up by the success of the films. The target audience is aging and declining while new younger readers are just not at the levels they once were. Kids today have many more things to occupy their time and to be honest comics are way to expensive for what they are. I usually pay between £2 and £3 for a comic these days and that is a whole lot for 30 minutes entertainment. Thus any post merger rationalisation will take place here. And it will happen. I doubt their has been a single case of one company buying another were the purchased company hasn’t seen considerable cuts. Disney have purchased Marvel for their character portfolio. There hasn’t been a decent new Marvel character in years (possibly decades) so Disney have nothing to fear by slowly winding down the comics division. In addition Disney will fall from a great height upon any story line that potentially jeopardises any of the other media interests. Things like Civil War and the death of Captain America would probably not have occurred under Disney. Some might argue that is a good thing but they are the kinds of comic fans that like comics to remain the same year on year anyway. Those kinds of fans will probably be happy with Marvel under DC. Though if DC can promise that we will never have another ‘One More Day’ I’ll welcome them with open arms no matter how much they interfere.

Final Thoughts

Disney has been quick to say they will leave Marvel alone as they don’t want to interfere with something doing well and initially this will be the case but in the long run Disney will milk Marvel dry like the entertainment industry vampire they are. Many people have remarked that Marvel will be OK because Disney didn’t ruin in Pixar. Sadly Marvel simply do not have the same clout or unique selling point that has protected Pixar from overt interference. In Pixar’s case they were out Disneying them and Disney had not choice but to buy them in and then leave them alone. Disney is happy to spend most of its time milking its own properties in the direct to DVD market. This is not true of Marvel. Marvel have not been purchased because they do something better than everyone else but simply as a cache of ready to exploit entertainment properties.

Naturally all the higher-ups at Marvel are stating this is a wonderful thing. Sorry but they are bound to say this as their jobs almost certainly depend on it so I think we can pretty much dismiss their comments as spinning the company web line. Stan Lee in particular is all for it but he has been taking Disney’s shilling for a long time so this too is to be expected. There seems to be a split between the fans of the comics and the fans of the films over whether this is a good thing. The comic fans are mostly against the idea as they believe the comics will likely get marginalised while the other media fans are more positive about the buyout. Basically the comic fans are on Cap’s side and the other are with Iron Man. However all this is only the opinion of a washed up old Web Developer so feel free to treat it with disdain if you will. But I will say ‘I told you so’ if I turn out to be right, over and over again. Honestly I’ll be hell to live with.

Interestingly Warner have announced ’DC Entertainment’ this week which is supposedly in answer to Marvel’s similar and successful entertainment division. Naturally this has been in development for two years and has in no way been rushed into existence to try and get some reflected news coverage after the Disney Marvel deal. Nope not at all. In addition to this the DC comics fans have not been entirely happy since Warner bought up DC and have accused it of meddling in the comics. But Disney won’t do that to Marvel, oh no.

• He has committed genocide on several occasions. Wiping out entire races that were up to no good. Especially if they threatened is chosen people, humans.
• He completely experiences time and space.
• He is willing to condemn his enemies to eternal punishments for challenging him (Family of Blood).
• He defeated Satan (dropped him into a black hole).
• He sees himself as the final authority on everything. He judges everyone and even decides what should happen.
• He always gives everyone a second chance.
• He helps people achieve what they are capable of if they suck up to him.
• If you are his friend he will help you enormously. If not you are screwed.
• He has an eternal nemesis who lies and tempts people to do wicked things (The Master).
• He works in mysterious ways that are incomprehensible to us humans.

If that is not exactly the same CV as the bibles authors gave to Jehovah then I will eat my hat. It also would explain why that god seemed to have a personality change between the old and new testaments. He was the 9th Doctor during the old testament and regenerated into the 10th in time for the new testament. Simples. It is pretty clear then, that the bible is simply a plagiarised version of the life of The Doctor. Being a Time Traveller he could easily have imparted it to some goat farmer in the Middle East while fixing the TARDIS. The BBC should sue all the different denominations of Christianity (and possibly Judaism and Islam too) for copyright infringement. Now after reading that you are of course wondering which fictional universe you are reading this in and which real universe The Doctor comes from. I wouldn’t worry about it as you will probably never know. And if you do find out you are sure to be disappointed. I know I was.